I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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