nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
