Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
