i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
