Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
