That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
