why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
