you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
