You work out of a Hotel?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
