The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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