"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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