I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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