I just made out with a guy for $7.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize