my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
how drunk are you?
Several
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
