well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
