dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
