Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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