I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize