At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
