if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
