And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Terrible idea I love it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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