god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
