I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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