the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize