You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
