I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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