apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
