If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
