hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
