is wine microwaveable?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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