we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
