Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
