so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
