You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
