Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
