I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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