Soap is not a condiment
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
