I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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