drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
