And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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