well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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