these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
