i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
