I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
