i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize