Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The adults are the big ones right?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
