I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
