Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
