Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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