he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
