If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
