I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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