$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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