Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
