1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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