so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
