No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I didn't notice because vodka
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
