Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
