I didn't shave. On purpose
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize