I wish my penis had an off switch
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
