I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
