if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
