Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my mouth tastes like poor choices
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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